10 ways to say no to people who keep borrowing things

Kindness is contagious, but so is people’s habit of constantly seeking advances from you. While lending once in a while is soul food, constantly being asked to lend your things — especially to repeat offenders — can become a nuisance and frustrating. A person may often ask you for favors, big or small, like asking for your charger, books, clothes, or even money. You need to set healthy boundaries for your peace of mind and the longevity of your relationships. To be able to do so without turning into a villain in their lives, here are 10 tactful ways to say no.

Be honest but kind

“I’m trying to be more careful with my things lately, so I’m not lending them out anymore.”

Saying something like this goes a long way. This sets a clear boundary while expressing your needs gently. Focusing on your needs first may not reflect as poorly on you.

Use humor to deflect

“I’m starting to think I should open a rental service!”

A sarcastic laugh and a little pun are the best tools to ward off serial offenders. Sometimes humor can diffuse tension and deliver your message without confrontation.

Blame personal policy

“I have a rule now not to lend personal items unless it’s an emergency.”

Making it a personal policy removes emotion and avoids singling them out. It makes the other person believe that you have often lost your belongings, which has made you reach this decision.

Delay the answer

“Let me think about it and get back to you.”

If you don’t want to say ‘no’ right away, push for some time limit. This gives you time to consider and likely discourages them from pushing further.

Offer an alternative

“I can’t lend you mine, but I can help you find one online.”

To help a friend is foremost, but to protect your belongings from being with them more than yourself is also necessary. This statement shows helpfulness without compromising your boundary.

Express inconvenience

“I actually need it myself right now, so I won’t be able to lend it.”

Say what serves your purpose best. It’s a straightforward response that doesn’t require over-explaining, and you will draw stern boundaries right away.



Be direct when needed

“I’m not comfortable lending this anymore.”

Sometimes, a firm and clear ‘no’ is necessary to end the cycle. Saying ‘no’ will make the other person respect your requirements and consider the boundaries you draw with them.

Use past experience

“Last time it didn’t come back in good condition, so I’ve stopped sharing it.”

Referring to past issues (even subtly) is a good reason to refuse future requests. Saying so will give them closure on why you’re refusing their request.

Shift the conversation

“I’m trying to cut down on sharing personal items — it’s been tough keeping track of everything.”

This keeps the tone friendly while sending the message that you’re not available to lend. Sometimes, refusing things clearly by mentioning that you don’t want to keep asking back for it is the way to go.

Stand your ground

“I’d rather not lend this; I hope you understand.”

Respectful and firm — a perfect way to maintain your boundaries while staying civil. Say no and move on. If they are close to you, they will respect your boundaries.